Advice to Parents Who Don’t Have a Special Needs Child
When our daughter was born sick, that lead to a compiling list of disabilities for her. There were many things I wasn’t prepared for. For example the stares and comments of strangers as they passed by us in the grocery store. People can be brutal. Our little one is deaf, (I am not sure if this is common amongst deaf children) but she screams. Just randomly screams. She isn’t mad, she just screams and smiles. The looks oh the looks.
Another very hard pill to swallow is when other parents/grandparent talks about or compares their child to yours. Mom’s, I am most certain they aren’t doing it on purpose, but I understand it still hurts.
I experienced this more times than I can count. So I want to address all parents and grandparents who don’t have a special needs child. Please take to heart these words.
Us mom’s of special needs children are overly aware of the milestones that are not being met. We know that Kate, down the street has a baby the same age and is rolling over already. Please be gentle with our situation and let the comment pass.
When your child or grandchild is walking and talking, we are happy for you- WE ARE. All in the same, when we are early in our journey, we don’t need to be reminded what we are missing. Take a step back and look at the situation before speaking. Are your words going to cause hurt, even if that is not your intention.
It is beyond hard to be a parent of a child that has brain damage. It is a tough pill to swallow that our child may never walk or talk again. Or whatever the case may be. It is hard, it seems we are in a state of mourning over what they will miss out on. IT.IS.HARD.
We walk around the stores and see other children and it pings our hearts. We go to church and see the younger kids, (younger than our daughter) doing so much and it saddens our hearts. We hear the stories from others about what so and so is doing and it is hard.
We are doing all we can and praying so hard for healing that it seems to consume us, it does consume us. It’s a minute by minute journey.
I just don’t think others understand. The load we carry around. The pain we have and the guilt that comes along with it. We really need love more than anything, and maybe just for a little bit- lets keep the accomplishments of others to a minimum. At least while we are early in this journey. It won’t always be this way. We aren’t trying to be mean. We just hurt for our child.